Where Does Your Darkness Lie?

Where does your darkness lie? Is it in the loss of words when you need to speak your mind. Is it in the thoughts that escape when you try to relate to the word around you? Is it in the dream you feel paralyzed to embrace? Is it in the hopes of your mismanaged self when you know there should be time for more but the thickness of the air stops you from reaching any further.

When darkness comes it is within us to retreat back into the familiar place of uncertainty and escape into fear. Who are we to rise above when the smallness within feels so big?

When darkness comes it is our past recoveries that can save us from ourselves. It is a reference of all we have achieved before and the pain the we have overcome that allows us to count our victories.

When darkness hovers near we are being watched by all who have succumb to its depth and need to believe in something other than the abyss into which they fall. Pay attention to the eyes upon you and be what is possible.

When the light is blinding the darkness feels safe. The fall, full of fear, is also touched by the bliss of release but in the end it’s the landing that hurts.

I see your light and it is so much bigger than your dark. Reach up and know that all the light that surrounds you can save you if you just believe in something bigger. Your safety relies on it. Your journey is intent on it and your capacity to grow bigger is fuelled by it.

Where does your darkness lie? It lies within all of us and so do does your light.

Once Upon A Time

Just BE

Once upon a time I was just me.

I didn’t have to tweet it, share it or take a picture of it.

I didn’t have to believe I was any more or less than I was and I certainly didn’t have to convince anyone else of it.

I wasn’t photoshopped, filmed, managed or mocked.

I didn’t need your approval nor was I addicted to your likes.

I didn’t check on the progress of my post or rely on your views to feel seen.

I moved through my life with the ease of knowing I may not be seen and I didn’t need to be.

The world had only two eyes and they were mine.

Those eyes looked into the face of others when we passed on the street, they saw the leaves blowing on the trees and the falling snow as it lightly landed on my eyelashes.

I walked with my head held high and I didn’t think about posting the beautiful scenery around me.

Once upon a time life was real and each moment simply passed without the need to capture it on a screen.

Once upon a time I was just me and you were just you and there was no need for our paths to criss cross multiple times throughout the day.

We didn’t need to survey and compare who we are and where each event in our life was leading us because once upon a time we simply lived for the joy of being and not the constant distraction of trying to be.


Accept Yourself

meadow“Accept everything about yourself — I mean everything, you are you and that is the beginning and the end — no apologies, no regrets.” ~Clark Moustakas
Acceptance of oneself is a life learned lesson. Is it just with age that we come to realize we have struggled so long for the acceptance of others yet the lack was within our own hearts?
We set our sights high upon the mountain of self-discovery seeking a view that eludes us no matter how high we climb. We refused to linger for long in the meadows of awareness amongst the simplicity of the breeze and the flowers and the billowing grass that whispers to us of the beauty all around.
It is in that place where our heart speaks of the love we shared and the difference we made and the lives we touched yet we were too busy climbing to hear.
I have been buried in my basement unpacking boxes filled with remnants from my past for the past two day. I moved 6 months ago but lacked the motivation to organize and make sense of the chaos within the now damp cardboard. Scattered piles of papers and paraphernalia that have been rummaged through and displaced for the past 4 ½ years as I traveled through my life like a gypsy searching for a home.
I came upon a large unopened manila envelope full of handmade cards from a class room of children who came to my gym, Range of Motion, on a field trip shortly before I could no longer call it my gym. I remember the day vaguely as I opened my facility to the younger generation trying to impress upon them the value of health and fitness but most of all fun. I was still teaching Zumba at that time and without going into now realizing the number of lives I touched with that program alone, I am reminded of the impact that one hour had on those kids. I stood in my damp basement with tears streaming down my face so grateful for the messages held within these beautiful hand crafted works of art. Things like “#1 Dance Instructor” LOL! And “Range of Motion You Rock!” But the best was “I enjoyed using the machines and challenging myself and pushing myself to try harder” Signed “Bill (the tall boy)”.
I knew on a surface level that I was making a difference but I never appreciated the value of the acceptance of those whose lives I was touching.

Years ago, when asked “who did I want to be?” I replied “I want to be ‘THAT’ girl. You know, the one who arrives at the party and realizes upon seeing the smiles and hearing the exuberant greetings all around her that her arrival was anticipated by all. The girl who lights up the room and spreads a positive feel good attitude.” I had really big dreams huh? And then I got busy being busy and I didn’t notice while I climbed that my little piece of the meadow was whispering to me and through the eyes of these children I had arrived at the party and I was accepted by all.

image (2)